So i succumbed again to another temptation! Nars temptation that is! since Nars is having all this gift sets happening i thought i might as well grab the chance to own one of their infamous blushes and lipgloses..

so here’s what i got…

Nars blush and lipgloss set

It’s the Nars deep throat blush and striptease lipgloss gift set!

So deep throat… I LOVE! it’s just perfect for an NC40 like me… Striptease lipgloss?? well where do i start?

1. it’s TOOO thick like a glue. so it feels like i am putting glue on my lips

2. it’s SOOO hard to applied hence the glue-feel like consistency…

unfortunately, we don’t have a return policy here in Australia… not that i know of at least so i am still trying to convince myself that i will love this lipgloss one day!

Boohooo Nars Striptease!

so i am very displeased with the lipgloss and it has put me off to buying another lipglosses from nars… But the blush well let’s just say it’s just the beginning! (of course if budget allows!)

so summer is indeed here and i am not happy about it. i used to be inlove with summer but now i dread it especially when it’s 35deg (Celcius) .. i miss winter!

ok, maybe this is a phase..maybe eventually i will get the hang of it.. after all no more layering on clothings which makes my morning easy..

but this means that fuzzy hair! my hair is not a big fan of humidity.. it will just go kaboom like someone lived in it! also that would mean a darker skin! like i am not dark enough!! and oh what about the flies?!!?!

if you’ve been in australia then you know what i am talking about! summer = flies

ok ok i am just whinging! i am currently under a lot of pain killers because of dysmenorrhea (period pain). by recollection, this is only the second time i experienced this extreme pain and me dont like it especially in this heat!!

anyway, girls and boys, be sun smart!!

and i am not even talking about the movie or the show..

so i was on a mission today.. i was going through some major pile of rubbish.. you know spring cleaning.. (yeah a cool way to spend your long weekend) so back to my spring cleaning.. i was piling some recycling.. some overdue recycling.. magazines, brochures, calendars.. you name it i got it.. hehehe

so almost done with the recycle bits when i noticed another “pile” of more magazines. i checked it out and it was fashion magazines from 2003! phew, the fashion was way tooo different from then i tell you. i was browsing through trying to remember why i bought it.. pages after pages then BAM!!!! a birthday card from an x.. and not even my x…

“… you will always be the love of my life…” says on the front of the card…

my chest tightened and my hands shaking.. although x is the past and i am the present and the future, something about a memory of x bites me…

i ask *God to bless my heart with forgiveness towards x, i ask *God to bless my memory to forget anger towards x. 

just bitching!  

well, let’s just today is all things negative..

i chose to be negative anyway so who cares.. it’s only for today so why not stretch it until sunrise.. shall we?

let’s start with shoes, it doesn’t fit me! it’s only today that it doesn’t fit me.. i’ve been wearing them for like months now! then someone’s lunch smell was all over the place at work.. considering that it’s the fasting season, my “will” was tested.. i was strong to fight the smell and think of work instead of food.. so that was OK.. and just when i was the busiest someone who was ask to do something asked me to do it.. like since when that became my job?!

then TRUE friends that are non-existent.. at the moment.. everyone is b!tching behind everyone’s back. sometimes i wish i am ever present at every gathering they do so they won’t b!tch about me.. but hey, i contribute to their satisfaction, so let it be..

so do you think it’s the time of the month or it’s just one of those days that i need some reason to be angry?

so what negative feelings am i feeling today?

- jealous, because your other friends are all getting together and you’re not invited. (so they can bitch about you)

- isolated, because your other friends are all getting together and you’re not invited… (did i just typed that)

-old, because everyone i know around me or at least those who are as old as me are either getting married or having baby number 2

- fat, none of my pants can ever fit me anymore!

- alone, because i am not invited.

So, that’s about it … maybe tomorrow i’ll chose to be positive

so since when farting in a closed proximity allowed? NEVER..

i was in the elevator in the car park going up to my car.. as door closes 3 men (teeangers) came rushing to beat the elevator.. the good person in me held down the open button so they can come in..

as soon as the door closes.. someone and i say someone farted! one the friggin kids farted! and the one who farted was the one who said “man someone farted”…

 it was disgusting and i regretting holding that door for them..

i came out the lift (elevator) suffocated with someone else’s fart.

who ever read this, please before you fart in any closed proximity think of the other people. if you can’t bear it, apologise and don’t blame other people.

yuck!

Tragic Wednesday.. isn’t it?! Well, let me warn you about this entry.. it’s pure whinge.. anyway, it’s too late now because you are actually reading this so better read on and know why today is Tragic Wednesday…

ok, ok, ok.. it’s not really that tragic.. you see i’ve had better wednesday you know. a breezy wednesday… but not today..

a background.. the application we’re using at work is giving me the sh|ts today.. it’s one of the crapiest system ever and the fact that we can’t do anything about it.. sh|ts me! all my work time was just wasted on that friggin program.. which is i tell the slowest of slowest.. i can even publish a blog faster than that friggin program.. anyway, that’s about that..

then another thing is i got into a fight with my cousin.. not really a fight but arrrgghhh..

do you think it’s PMS?

i think it is..

ok, i was stuck in the middle of an arabic conversation. i don’t really mind being in the middle of an arabic conversation. i found the languageso rich it’s just nice to listen sometimes and becuase i do talk in my language too and put someone in the middle of a tagalog conversation as well anyway..
i am a democratic person.. i believe in freedom of speech.

however, i don’t use my language to say bad things to anyone who can’t understand it.. i believe that what goes around comes around so i don’t do it.

but when you’re in the middle of an arabic conversation and you heard your name and they started laughing… what would you think?

me.. here’s what came to my mind:

1. oh! am i staring blank again?
2. oh! am i eating too slow?
3. oh! am i eating like a man?
4. oh! do i have some spinach now in my teeth?

bottom line is i thought it was everything i was “doing” that time.. which was eating my food and enjoying my ice cream.

BUT.. now here’s the but part of the story..
i looked at him to ask for sign “what are you talking about mate?”

and he just said “you don’t want to know”

now.. i don’t get easily offended by that.. i know how they play.. the main goal is to always piss me off..
which they actually successfully do sometimes.

but then the curious in me wanted to really know..

and so he told me..

i got the shock of my life?! the young one is saying that’s really bad.. and the one who said is trying to explain why he said it..

me.. i was still chewing it in.. the thing he said about me..

i kept my cool and smiled…after all, i am enjoying my food.

they’re kids i told myself..

but i felt hurt..so what does this means?!?!
No laundry and No ironing for them!
i play nice you see..

you treat me nice, i treat you nice..
you treat me not so nice, i still treat you nice BUT will teach you a lesson.

so when should you not make a joke?
when the joke is offensive..
how would you know it’s offensive? if you’re smart enough you’ll know..
 

i know a lot of women suffer from PMS. some may have abdominal pains, some may have hot flashes, some may have mood swings.. and some will get it all.

i get all of it.. and it’s not even funny.
you see.. i get hot flashes maybe a week, it irritates me because it’s summer you see.. so imagine me walking with my hot flashes..

then i get abdominal pain, it gets worse on the day my period starts.. but lately it hasn’t been killing me like it did a few years back..

the worst is the mood swings..
i get it all, i get soooo emotional i cry on anything.. on a piece of leaf that fell down the tree, on a dog and a puppy walking together, on old people holding hands while walking.

i get so sensitive that i can’t take a joke. i get offended easily, i get embarrassed easily and i get annoyed with just one name..

i do know it’s happening.. i know i am becoming so unreasonable, i do know i am becoming so sensitive and i do know that it’s a joke.. BUT i get irritated, annoyed and upset..

then i cry becuase i don’t know how to control it.

people around me especially him gets it.
and that’s the last thing i want..

i bought self help books on dealing with PMS, i am taking herbal tablets that can help regulate my mood swings, i excercise to get endorphins, i go out shopping to get out endorphins, i watch funny movies, shows to get good vibes..

still with one snap of a joke..sometimes it could be just a name.. i get upset..
and this is for a good 1 week.. before my period..

how exciting is that?!

you know how us women say one thing and mean another? like we say yes but we really mean no?

men don’t that.. they are point blank…..

a friend of mine said that too.. he said men are point blank.. if he said “i dont want to give you false hopes” then he means no false hope.

if he said, he didn’t get you anything.. it means that he didn’t..

so why am i blogging this? well, i think men should learn the essence of perfect timing. we know you don’t bullshit.. (not always).. but at least pick the right timing to drop the bomb.

sensitivity is key.. but guess men won’t really have that or it doesn’t come naturally. but i guess if they learn the art of sensitivity… then they’re set to have long lasting relationship.. 

so, when you say to a guy i love you and he said i like you.. then he means that he likes you. not loves you but likes you… if he said i didn’t get you anything for tomorrow, then there is no surprise for you like what you’re assuming.. it just means that they don’t have anything for you.

some guys may use that trick like i don’t have it but in the end it was a surprise after all.. but that’s some.. not all.. i think these guys are those who have too many friends that are girls or sisters…

anyway, just bitching about men and how point blank they are they can ruin someone else’s evening… or a year even!

it has been a while since that day that i have confronted T.  let’s just say the wounds are still  there.  takes time to heal you know, maybe because i know that she deliberately tried to hurt me.. which she successfully did.. i still can’t forget what she’s done and how i know for a fact that she is not sorry, not even in the tiniest sense of it.

as i’ve written before.. my agony and pain are her happiness…

but the table has changed now.. she’s out of my life physically.. out of OUR life.. but she’s in my thoughts… i am tired of hating her but i just can’t stop hating her.. she’s in my th0ughts.. eating my whole sense of being.

please help me forgive her is all i pray. i don’t want to be reminded with anything that concerns her. not a even a menu from the restaurant that they own,

 i have been jealous of her.. i always thought that she’s better than me.. well, she made feel like that anyway. she looked down on me.. 

i am happy now but she is still in my thoughts. i have soooo many things i wanted to say to her but i don’t see a point.. maybe it will go away eventually.

a week ago, a menu from the restaurant they own was in our mailbox. only in our mailbox i presume, i can’t really look into someone else’s mailbox can i?

 i took it home with me… put it on top of kitchen counter

call me crazy, it’s just a menu but when i saw it on my bed they day after, i just got upset and depressed. suddenly memories are coming back. hate is elevated.. like she’s in my house, on my bed…

i threw the piece of paper and asked for a good reason why it is on my bed.

i came back to my senses.. it’s a just a menu.. from the restaurant they own i thought.. i didn’t move anymore, didn’t even touch it. i left it on the floor. it feels like i am touching her,

then one good sunday, he called me, he said my name in the sweetest possible way and said “Baby, look..”

obligingly i looked at him.. he was holding the menu.. then he tore it apart.. piece by piece he tore it even more.. then he stepped on the bin and chuck the pieces of paper.

i cried and i ran to hug him.

simple act of assurance.. she’s definitely out of my life. so i have to let go and forgive her.