simple act of assurance

it has been a while since that day that i have confronted T.  let’s just say the wounds are still  there.  takes time to heal you know, maybe because i know that she deliberately tried to hurt me.. which she successfully did.. i still can’t forget what she’s done and how i know for a fact that she is not sorry, not even in the tiniest sense of it.

as i’ve written before.. my agony and pain are her happiness…

but the table has changed now.. she’s out of my life physically.. out of OUR life.. but she’s in my thoughts… i am tired of hating her but i just can’t stop hating her.. she’s in my th0ughts.. eating my whole sense of being.

please help me forgive her is all i pray. i don’t want to be reminded with anything that concerns her. not a even a menu from the restaurant that they own,

 i have been jealous of her.. i always thought that she’s better than me.. well, she made feel like that anyway. she looked down on me.. 

i am happy now but she is still in my thoughts. i have soooo many things i wanted to say to her but i don’t see a point.. maybe it will go away eventually.

a week ago, a menu from the restaurant they own was in our mailbox. only in our mailbox i presume, i can’t really look into someone else’s mailbox can i?

 i took it home with me… put it on top of kitchen counter

call me crazy, it’s just a menu but when i saw it on my bed they day after, i just got upset and depressed. suddenly memories are coming back. hate is elevated.. like she’s in my house, on my bed…

i threw the piece of paper and asked for a good reason why it is on my bed.

i came back to my senses.. it’s a just a menu.. from the restaurant they own i thought.. i didn’t move anymore, didn’t even touch it. i left it on the floor. it feels like i am touching her,

then one good sunday, he called me, he said my name in the sweetest possible way and said “Baby, look..”

obligingly i looked at him.. he was holding the menu.. then he tore it apart.. piece by piece he tore it even more.. then he stepped on the bin and chuck the pieces of paper.

i cried and i ran to hug him.

simple act of assurance.. she’s definitely out of my life. so i have to let go and forgive her.

~ by Sheryl on February 5, 2007.