squeezed my hand
“Nine-tenths of wisdom is appreciation. Go find somebody’s hand and squeeze while there’s time” – Dale Dauten
i got this quote from our monthly newsletter at work and i never thought that it will make me weep, yes you’re right weep! And for days it affected my mood.(PMS is one thing :p)
“Squeeze their hands” is all i can think of. I wonder did i squeeze the hands of those people who means a lot to me often to let them know i appreciate them?.. hhmmm never really thought that squeezing someone’s hand is a sign of appreciation, but after reading that quote it made me realise it is indeed a sign of appreciation.
how long has it been now? 4 months? i miss her everyday. i know she’s in a better place now but the fact that she’s no longer with me still breaks my heart.. i think it will always break my heart.
things have been a little bit better for me, for us. But we still have this roller coaster of emotions once in a while. it’s only been 4 months.. it’s not that long ago. and on this matter, absence doesn’t make the heart forget.
my mum and i have this secret hand shake. well, it’s not secret anymore isn’t it?! hehe we squeeze each other’s hands to say something that we don’t want other to hear. And funny is we always understand each other just by squeezing each other’s hands. no words, just the look in our eyes i know what want to say and vice versa.
when i was a kid, i’ll know if i am in trouble once my mum calls out my full name (including my middle name) and as i come running towards her she’d held up her hand and grab mine then she’d squeeze it.
when we go shopping, we hold hands, occassionally she will stop walking and squeeze my hand. that would mean “look sale!”
when i have tantrums (and trust me i have a lot of those when i was young), she’ll hold my hand and squeeze it, that means “stop or you’re gonna get it” — well something like that
when she comes home from work with a big news, she won’t announce that she got some great news, instead she will hold my hand and squeeze it. that means “i have some good news” or
when we don’t want my dad know of anything like going movie or a secret shopping trip or some boy calling me, she’ll squeeze my hand and she’s like a kid giggling!
when my brother was born, i didn’t understand the whole concept of labour or c-section or contractions. all i knew was my mum was in a lot of pain. i waited outside the operating room wondering what’s my mum doing in there. hours later she was wheeled out of the room. she looked like she smoked some weed (LOL) but she was smiling when she saw me. she held out her hand and i held it and she squeezed it so hard i thought my bones are gonna break. She squeezed and smiled.. she was relieved and happy.
when she travelled with me coming to Australia, during take off,landing and turbulences, she will squeeze my hand so tight that i was the adult over her.
when i finished my master’s degree, she was a proud mama. she was not in my graduation but as soon as she arrived from the airport, she held out her hand and squeezed it so tight. she didn’t say anything, but that squeeze was happiness. she was so happy she said and was so proud.
when we found out that she’s got cancer, she squeezed my hand and told me everything will be ok.
when she was fighting for her life, she didn’t let go of my hand. she held it like a kid who doesn’t want to lose her mum in the crowd. every time she squeezed it i felt relieved and happy because i know that she’s still with us and she’s still fighting. at the same time i know she’s telling me she’s tired.
when she heard me crying she squeezed my hand like when i was a kid, to make me stop. and i did.
..then the time came that she no longer can squeeze my hand, i squeezed and squeezed but no response. i begged her to squeeze my hand until i gave up…
i had all the time of appreciating her and i did. i’ve squeezed her hand so many times just to let her know i appreciate her. and i am so glad and thankful that i did. until the last moments of her life, she was still doing our secret hand shake.
Strapon Sissies