if only i could answer my phone

1: 30 read on the wall clock.

still stuck in a meeting.

the discussion is heating up, we are not going anywhere. you can feel the tension and you can see every one is really tired.. we are not coming to anything at all.

my bag is vibrating again and i know who it is… if only i could answer my phone

i reached for it any how.. 10 missed calls.. damn!

i feel helpless, i imagine answering the phone… talking to my caller.

i know my caller wants to tell me something really important… if only i could answer my phone

 then it vibrates again..

this time i picked it up..  i didn’t even think what the group will say… i couldn’t care more.. i have to answer my phone

she wants me to come home now. she’s been waiting and she’s been really hungry.

i calmed her down and assured her that i will be home soon, after the meeting.

like a child she obligingly said ok and hang up.

half an hour later, my bag is vibrating again.

with annoyance, they let me go.
they sent me home.

i jumped for joy.
i called her back and told her i am coming home. she was really excited. i sense her excitement…

i got out of the building, raised my arm to signal a cab.
a cab stopped in front of me but some cheeky person got in first.
i was annoyed. i prayed and begged please give me another cab as soon as possible.

two seconds later, i got in the second cab

as soon as i close the door a truck out of no where crashes into the other cab i was suppose to be in.

my heart stopped!
mouth open, heart racing and panting i thanked God for saving my life.
that could have been me in the other cab.

she rang again and i said i will be home soon and don’t worry. didn’t tell her of the accident. i wouldn’t want to worry her.

again, she repeatedly said “come home now, i am really hungry.”

i assured her i will be home soon.

10 minutes later the cab didn’t even move an inch.

looked outside and saw a long queue of cars.. damn traffic jam!!!

with the accident in front it just made it worst.

i feel helpless, i want to go home, i am in panic..  she’s hungry and has been waiting for me. i have to go home.

i couldn’t do anything. i ended up crying, i want to go home but i can’t.

i looked on my watch.. 1:50.. then she rang again…. and just when i pressed the answer button…

i woke up.

i dreamt of my mum again.

she’s asking me to come home.

i don’t know what the dreams means but i woke up with this helplessness feeling.

it’s a bit freaky though because my mum passed away at exactly 1:50, we started losing her at 1:30.

i miss her so much..

~ by Sheryl on October 25, 2006.