pictures not only say a thousand words..

but it can also relive past emotions that made you uncomfortable. Emotions that you buried or tried to bury and with just one glance at the photo it just comes flashing back. it will be the same hate if it was hate, same jealousy if it was jealousy or same happiness if it was happiness.

in a non-accidental moment, i happen to see some photos the other day. wasn’t the best idea to do but i felt that it’s the right thing to do that time.

surprisingly enough after looking at the photos i found myself crying inside.

crying inside because it brought back the pain *they/she* have caused me.

crying inside because i saw a forced smile behind those lovely painted faces. i don’t want to be in the same situation.

crying inside because i know that i am not the only one who is crying inside. and that’s just something i can’t compete with.

crying inside because no matter what *they* say to comfort me, intuition tells me that *they* are more hurt than i am

crying inside because after all, i’ve cried, she’s cried, he’s cried, we’ve cried, they’ve cried it feels like i am still the only who hasn’t moved on.

crying inside because my pain is *her* happiness and my happiness is never *her* pain.

crying inside because i still feel the hate and i found hate comforting. i feel that *she* can’t hurt me anymore as long as hate *her*. Some twisted idea eh, but i am sooo tired of getting hurt.

I don’t want to be like this anymore. It’s time to let go, to forgive, to forget(?).

Please God help me forgive.

Looking at those photos wasn’t the best idea but it wasn’t that bad either.

~ by Sheryl on October 20, 2006.