all her jazz

i get by in one day by pre-occupying myself with a lot of things. but at the end of the day i still cry and get sad.

i do miss her a lot. i don’t know if i will ever get over this feeling. i still cry and get upset.

i cry when i see mother-daughter walking together, i cry when i look over our photos, i cry before i go to sleep because i know that when i wake up she won’t still be here..

it’s so weird saying “she was”.. past tense.. i still can’t accept that i have to use past tenses in referring to her.

i am still sad, depress and what else.. i feel empty

you know what pacifies me? jazz music

she’s always loved jazz music. she was a big fan. didn’t love any other music aside from jazz.

i still remember, sunday is jazz music day. morning will be my dad’s music but all through the afternoon it will be jazz.

we just sit down, dim the lights, raise our legs on the centre table and just relax. she would sing and ask my dad to dance.

i will just watch them and pray that someday i will find that man of dreams.

that was our normal sunday. that was before i left philippines..after i left, it was “phone calls” every sunday. i would pick the phone and talk to her and just talk whatever.

her voice was my jazz.

~ by Sheryl on July 23, 2006.